Diary

It has been a quite a while since my last entry (or update) in here but I blame that solely on what could be the shittiest month I've had this year, let's hope this doesn't happen again in the future. For one, I'm up to the neck in academic responsibilities, personal issues, problems surrounding my home and family, and oh! We can't forget the cherry on top of this cursed sundae, my friend group in university has completely crumbled from the inside out. This past month has been challenge after challenge and endless salt on fresh wounds. I'm okay right now, I've gone through a lot of emotional turmoil but I'm trying to rise above it and look at the bright side of things because the moment I let myself go under, it's over.

Thanks to these developments, I haven't been able to update my reviews or even get to reading this month's Bookbug, and I know that it's okay for me not to make it a priority but I mourn the loss of my free time and the little things that I had everyday that kept me going like being able to read regularly. I'm definitely going to be writing a blog about this whole experience as it has opened my eyes to new perspectives that I think might be beneficial to share with others who may be going through the same thing. Another reason I wanted to make an entry here is that I wanted to make a little announcement (or note to my future self) that I'm thinking of moving away from Goodreads and Booksta, which are my main bookish social media platforms. I'm self-aware enough to know that I'm an easily-influenced person and I've been noticing that my personal taste isn't really my own but is instead a murky reflection of the taste of content creators that I follow. It's why even after almost a lifetime of reading, I cannot name a single book I can call my favorite. I just want to take a step back and cultivate what I like and don't like without the opinions of others. But that's not to say that I'll be stepping away from bookish apps entirely, I'll instead be moving to Storygraph which is a significantly less community-focused space which might be a negative to others but in my case, it's a plus since I want to get away from influence.

Anyways, this month has really shown me how far I could be tested as a person and it still continues to do so. I can't wait for summer break (which is going to be June for me) because this entire academic year has been a total shitshow and I'm beyond ready for it to be over. I just need to get through May.

I had book mail come in for the first time ever yesterday. I've been reading most, if not all, of my books digitally on my tablet and phone. This was a pretty good set-up for myself but I've been wanting to lessen my screentime and make the most of the time I have while commuting home from uni, so I picked up some books to spend that time on. I picked out 'A Good Girl's Guide to Murder', 'One Dark Window', and 'Six of Crows' which are all books I've been wanting to get into for a while now but just haven't delved into yet. Is it bad that every book is the first in a series? Maybe so, but I deliberately chose to get one of each series instead of the entire thing due to two reasons: I don't know if I'll like the book enough to read the rest of the series and I want to savor each book thoroughly before getting into the next one. I've imposed a delay on myself so I can really appreciate each book before the next one.

Another thing that I'd like to talk about is a video from Emmelie of Prose & Petticoats (on YT) that made an impression on me. It was basically a response video to another one she saw of a another booktuber giving advice on how to read faster, one of which was to treat it as a competition. In addition to that, said unnamed booktuber went on to give tips such as listening to audiobooks on 2x speed and to read short or children's books to buff up your book count. Even if Emmelie hadn't shared her dislike for this, I would've found the entire thing ridiculous. That video must be the embodiment of performative reading. In the end, it's just as Emmelie said in the video, no one really cares how many books you've read. Sure, you'll get some applause and a "wow!" for a bit but after that, it doesn't really matter. You're running a reading rat race against your own ego.

Anyways, another point in the video that I really liked and plan to incorporate is the idea of tracking my reading through time instead of my book count. I don't know why I never really thought of it, especially since I'm a slow reader with fickle motivation. I'm currently reading 'Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands' and it's taken me three days to get through half of the book and it's about 300 or so pages long. I know people who could've finished it in one or two sittings, but the point is I can't and that's okay. The number of books I've read in a week or month or year doesn't define the knowledge, time, and effort I've poured into reading a book. Doesn't it sound better to say "Oh, I spent 4 hours reading yesterday!" than it is to say "Oh, I read about half of one book yesterday."? It does to me. Fortunately, I've already started tracking the time of my reading sessions a while ago using the Bookmory app, which is pretty handy and I'd recommend you to give it a try if you'd like.

Well, that's pretty much all I wanted to share, hehe. I'm procrastinating on my uni projects by writing this which I'm not looking forward to doing later. I'd really just rather read. Oh, and if you'd like to see the video I was talking about, you can watch it here. Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you have a good day!